Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It was a blind-side dick pic.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
