5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
