I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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