I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
