there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
