What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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