So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
