So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
