I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
