can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
