I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
