It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i think i just lost a toe
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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