if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
