I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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