My nipple is on Facebook.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
