She is in my trunk
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i drank out of a bidet.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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