where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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