I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
this hospital has no fireball
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
