Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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