Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
