I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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