Non-Jews are for practice
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
