last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
