i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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