how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
