It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
