"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
