This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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