Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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