I wish I could teleport
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
