i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
