I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
