Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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