there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
