don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
