Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
