God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She's JV to your varsity
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
