you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
