I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so let's talk penis.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
