it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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