I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
