HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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