First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
either way he was missing a nipple.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
