Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
