I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
