so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
