i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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