perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The best revenge is premature balding
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
