some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
