the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
