; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
