Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
