i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
do nipples grow back?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
