It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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