im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
