there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
