Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If I die, sorry about rent.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
