I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Two words: blizzard sex
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
