I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
