we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
