I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
