She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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