I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
