...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
