You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
