New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
