haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
