Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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