Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
