he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
What drink are we having for lunch?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
