you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I want her autograph on my taint
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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