On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
