I just threw up on my dentist
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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