So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Randomize
