I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
