I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
