maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
