I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
