So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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